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Smallsville Slack


"Bob" knows that small backwards towns are often the spawning pools of slack, unintentionally of course, because of just how insanely stupid everything is. So, it all ends up going in reverse, actually creating slack! St.Thomas, Ontario, Canada is no exception.
JUMBO Conductor Bob

We Worship An Elephant!


Yes, Jumbo, the biggest elephant in the world was run over by a train in St.Thomas way back in 1885, and we're still feeding off his rotting flesh! When you enter our humble city (if you are so fortunate), you are greeted by Jumbo's concrete ass and a sign that says "Welcome to St.Thomas".

Well, not litterally eating it. That would be pretty gross after 111 years. However, I have found proof that some kid had been "carving juicy slices from the blood dripping flanks" and that it was "the most tremendous roast of the season!", as accounted in the Official Souvenir Program of 1985!


DO NOT PICK UP HICKHIKERS!

St.Thomas also caters to (you guessed it) a very large mental institution! This is one of the few cities in North America which feature signs beside the road that say just that; "DO NOT PICK UP HITCH-HIKERS"

Unfortunately, it may be shut down soon, greatly reducing the number of "crazy" people living in our fair city.


BOB is coming to St.Thomas...
Go Ahead:
Ask "Bob" a question...


Salesman 
Bob"You'll Pay To Know What You Really Think!"
-- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
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Rev. Noah J. Stewart
Church of the Befuddled Biped