Make your own free website on

Smallsville Slack

"Bob" knows that small backwards towns are often the spawning pools of slack, unintentionally of course, because of just how insanely stupid everything is. So, it all ends up going in reverse, actually creating slack! St.Thomas, Ontario, Canada is no exception.
JUMBO Conductor Bob

We Worship An Elephant!

Yes, Jumbo, the biggest elephant in the world was run over by a train in St.Thomas way back in 1885, and we're still feeding off his rotting flesh! When you enter our humble city (if you are so fortunate), you are greeted by Jumbo's concrete ass and a sign that says "Welcome to St.Thomas".

Well, not litterally eating it. That would be pretty gross after 111 years. However, I have found proof that some kid had been "carving juicy slices from the blood dripping flanks" and that it was "the most tremendous roast of the season!", as accounted in the Official Souvenir Program of 1985!


St.Thomas also caters to (you guessed it) a very large mental institution! This is one of the few cities in North America which feature signs beside the road that say just that; "DO NOT PICK UP HITCH-HIKERS"

Unfortunately, it may be shut down soon, greatly reducing the number of "crazy" people living in our fair city.

BOB is coming to St.Thomas...
Go Ahead:
Ask "Bob" a question...

Bob"You'll Pay To Know What You Really Think!"
-- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
Have you ever thought there's something more to life? Well, here it is! Yessir, send $1 U.S. to the address below and your head will explode with glee on the arrival of important information which could just SAVE YOUR SOUL!

Send $1 (or more) to:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
P.O. Box 140306
Dallas, TX

Eternal Salvation Or Triple Your Money Back!

Like my page? Hate my page? Want to buy my page? Send me email! I would like to hear comments. No, really.
To view page in pig latin, click HERE.

The holy Dobbshead is a trademark of The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. The graphics used on this page are mine and may not be used without my permission.

Rev. Noah J. Stewart
Church of the Befuddled Biped